Things I've learned while riding Trax and working for DMBA

Dear Edward,

I worked with a guy who could make anything out of duck tape, he thought it was cool - it was not. He eventually got fired for playing with a knife under his desk. Not. A. Shocker. Maybe his big mistake was not making that out of duck tape... Maybe next time DT.

I've been riding Trax for a year and a half, and have been working for the same company for that same amount of time. So Eddie - do you mind if I call you that? - I decided that if we are going to get married then here are some things you need to know about me...

I've learned...

1- How to roll a joint.
2- What brain fluid and blood looks like when mixed together.
3- What “getting out of the box” means – and how often I’m in one.
4- The many things you can do with duck tape.
5- There are so many levels to crazy.
6- Never use the restroom after 12 pm without a gas mask and full terrorist gear.
7- You can bribe anyone with chocolate.
8- Don’t compete with DT.
9- While making craft projects - Elmer’s glue will not work on pom pom’s and string.
10- Mountain Dew + Excedrin = the Mormon equivalent to crack.
11- You can not deny a claim for a man because he has exceeded the amount of gynecologist appointments for the year. The wife will call in to let us know that her husband is not a woman.
12- You can not pay a claim for a man who has received a pap smear.
13- People do get drunk and ride Trax at 6:30 am.
14- Some people are not ashamed to talk very loudly as to why they are exiting the train at the courthouse.
15- Don’t talk about blood and oatmeal in the same sentence – EVER!

Your future wife,
Laurie