Tuesday, April 19, 2011

It's because Wonder Woman does not live at my house.

We live in a society that women are told that we can have it all. We can work full time, balance marriage kids, friends and do it all 100%.

That's a big fat lie.

I'm not perfect and the new adjustment in my life has been hard for everyone.

I make mistakes all of the time.

I sometimes don't handle situations as well as I should.

I feel guilt all the time.

I worry all the time.

I want to be everywhere all at one, I want to be everything to everybody.

I fail often.

For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn't do it all, I felt (and still do) that I borrow from Peter to pay Paul. Constantly juggling and always dropping the ball.

One of my favorite talks at conference this year was about women. It was beautiful and everything I needed to hear. I found peace when Quentin L Cook said this:

"First, no woman should ever feel the need to apologize or feel that her contribution is less significant because she is devoting her primary efforts to raising and nurturing children. Nothing could be more significant in our Father in Heaven’s plan. Second, we should all be careful not to be judgmental or assume that sisters are less valiant if the decision is made to work outside the home. We rarely understand or fully appreciate people’s circumstances. Husbands and wives should prayerfully counsel together, understanding they are accountable to God for their decisions."

I. absolutely. agree.

Yep, Wonder Woman does not live at my house - but I'm ok with that.

Monday, April 18, 2011

It's because life is pretty darn good

I love being married! We have only been married for 2 1/2 months and it feels like forever - in a really good way.

The only way I know how to explain it is when you have a baby it feels like the baby has always been a part of your family and you can't remember what it was like before they were born.

That's how it feels with Wade.

I never knew that marriage and life could be this happy.

It has been a little hard for my kids having to share me with someone else. They have never been around me in a normal healthy relationship and that adjustment has been weird for them. That sounds weird, and I really don't know how to explain it.

But I'll try.

I don't want to bad mouth my children's dad, but I don't think it would hurt his feelings for me to say that he and I were not good together. Ever.

We were so different, so immature, neither of us wanted to do the work to make anything better and we just wanted to blame the other person. He would agree with that statement.

We did not have a marriage where we wanted to be together. Ever. It seemed more like a chore and obligation, than a natural desire. He would agree with that statement as well. Did we have happy moments, of course we did. But the longer we were married the farther apart they were.

We fought all the time. Screamed at each other, said mean and hateful things to each other - I was just as bad as he was - and I think for a lot of the marriage we just resented each other. I know I did.

I was selfish, but I thought everything I did was for my family. Wrong. I was angry and wanted to believe that I was the perfect one and he was the problem. Wrong again.

We both contributed equally to the dysfunction and demise.

It's been long enough now that I can step outside of myself (and my pride) and admit that I probably wouldn't have wanted to be married to me either. In no way am I dismissing his part - but I can admit that I was wrong too.

Life with Wade is completely opposite.

Jack is loving having a new "Dad" and 3 new older brothers - and he loves his younger sister. Michaela loves having an older new sister - and they get along really great.

Allyson and Heidi are a little more reluctant and are still nervous that it's all going to end at some point, and that breaks my heart. They don't trust as easily as the other two, and they remember what it was like before.

I need to make sure to remind them everyday - several times a day - that Wade has not taken me from them or taken any love that I feel for them. The only thing I can do is be patient and show them that he is not leaving, and we're in it forever!

Because we are.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Thursday, April 7, 2011

It's because I love to read

I just finished this book. I loved it! It is very rare to come upon a book that makes you forget that the characters are not real and that the writing is fiction. I fell in love with the Literary Society and found myself yearning to join and be a part of their group. I want to be Juliet Ashton she is clever and charming, sensitive and smart. I loved seeing things through her eyes.

My favorite part was the second to the last paragraph in the book where she is writing a letter to her friend Sidney and she says “Is it unseemly to get married so quickly? I don’t want to wait – I want to begin at once. All my life I thought that the story was over when the hero and heroine were safely engaged – after all, what’s good enough for Jane Austen ought to be good enough for anyone. But it’s a lie. The story is about to begin, and every day will be a new piece of the plot.” I loved this because it was exactly how I felt when I married my husband after only knowing him for 3 months. He has 5 kids (making a grand total of 9) and everyone thought I was crazy. But I knew it was right and I went for it. It was the best decision I have ever made in my entire 36 years of life.

I will be giving this book as gifts to anyone and everyone I can think of.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011