Saturday, September 13, 2008

What does it all mean?

Dear Edward,

I've been having dreams that my teeth are really loose and about to fall out. I'm always in public talking to people and I don't feel embarrassed but very worried. This dream has been happening more frequently. I decided to google it - I love google - and found some information on a dream website. This is what it says:

"Is the dream related to changes in her life - and accordingly to “losing” parts of herself? Is she dealing with issues now that involve cleansing or letting go of things that no longer are useful to her? Conversely, is she being forced to let go of parts of her life that really are useful to her, but over which she has no control? Is the dream a metaphor for an increasing sense of powerlessness? Does it suggest a loss of beauty or physical attractiveness?"

Yes to all of the above.

I think that all of it applies, but mostly the part about the loss of physical beauty. I used to be beautiful... and thin. I like who I am better now than I did then - but the world doesn't. Sad little world we live in.

I've had 4 kids and have a body that looks like I've birthed 10. I like to eat, I like to cook... I know that I need to loose 50+ pounds but a large part of me- the 50+ part of me- wants to say SCREW you!

I know that the fatter I am the less likely I am to get married again. Men want outwardly perfection. Not all men, but the ones I've been out with. The thing is, I was - and would be again - a good wife. The first time around I didn't pick someone who was right for me - a real butt hole. I learned A LOT and have changed for the better. I want to loose it, but at the same time I want to find a man that likes fat women. I better get on the treadmill!! And brush my teeth, so they don't look like this...


1 comment:

Brenda said...

YOu are not fat! You are not as thin as you used to be but you are NOT fat! I only wished I were as fat as you!