Sunday, July 18, 2010

This is the last time

Jake and I broke up today, for the last time. I feel ok about it. He admitted to me that he hasn't been trying - and I told him that there is nothing more I can do to make this better. I cooked for him, did his laundry and put his needs above my own. I even cleaned his bathroom - that alone is worth more than I can possibly tell you.

It hurts that he seems to care less. But it feels good to have it over. I loved him more than I could possibly explain, but I deserve the same in return. I deserve someone as red hot about me as I am about them.

I've learned a lot through this whole relationship. I've learned that my needs and feelings are just as valid as the other person's. I've learned that I need to listen to my gut, and if it doesn't feel right that it's ok to walk away no matter what the other person says. It's ok to expect the person your dating to be decent and to account for their actions and be responsible for their wrong doings - and that I don't need to take all of the blame and try to make it all better. That doesn't work and you aren't doing anyone any favors by doing that.

It's sad because I loved his family. He has the nicest nieces and nephews and I was excited to be a part of that and to watch them grow up.

Life goes on - and I promised my kids that this roller coaster is over. My heart is broken, but I have a responsability to protect them and by sticking around I would've done more harm than good.

WIth a lot of prayer and family support things will get better. I've been through a divorce - this is going to be a piece of cake. And unlike the last time we broke up, I'm ready to let go.

1 comment:

cynthia said...

i like your last line the best.

i always tell paul that if anything ever happens to me i know he'll remarry in 5 minutes because there are a TON of fab women out there who keep their covenants. on the other hand, if something happens to him i know i'll never remarry because there is a huge shortage of worthy single men. not totally no-existant, but definitely a short supply.

chin up friend,
cynthia