Normal

The kids are gone to visit their dad.

They’ve been gone for 11 days with 17 to go.

I feel useless, and a little depressed. I had a lot of plans while they were gone, but have no energy to do them.

Jack starts kindergarten in August. My baby is 5… I’m having a hard time with this as well.

It hit me last week that I will never have another tiny baby.

This made me sad.

Very sad.

I’m no longer the young mom with a young family.

When did that happen?

Heidi is starting High School.

She will be out of the house in 4 years.

This made me sad.

Very sad.

On a positive note Jake and I are going to work things out, and have been back together for a couple weeks.

Still no wedding.

I’m not going to freak out, that’s what got me into trouble the first time.

He doesn’t like the crazy dysfunctional Laurie.

I wonder if I can truly change that part of me.

I’ve been trying.

Really hard.

Sometimes I feel like I’m going to crack and all of the good I’ve done is going to be drowned out by the meltdown I’m about to have.

But I pull myself together at just the right moment, and then when I’m alone I have it.

It makes me feel better, and then I can be normal again.

Whatever normal is.