Tuesday, August 17, 2010

It's because I love 30 Rock

I’ve just discovered 30 Rock… where have I been? This show is awesome.

I’ve also decided that I’m a lot like Liz Lemon… She loves food, is a dork when it comes to men, loves kids (I do have them however – I never said we are identical), and sometimes feel under appreciated… Oh, the list goes on.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the show. I have to share these because I need a good laugh today!

*Tracy: Doctor Spaceman, when they check my DNA, will they tell me what diseases I might get, or help me to remember my ATM pin code?
Dr. Spaceman: Absolutely. Science is whatever we want it to be. I'll let you know as soon as we have the results.
Tracy: I already know the results, the kid is not mine!
Dr. Spaceman: Boy, it's crazy to think we used to settle questions of paternity by dunking a woman in water until she admitted she made it all up. Different time, the '60s.

*Kenneth: I know how you like this cornbread Mr. Jordan.
Tracy: LIKE it? I love this cornbread so much I wanna take it back behind the middle school and get it pregnant.

*Liz: I want to do that thing rich people do where they turn money into more money.

*Kenneth: Oh, Ms. Lemon let me help you out.
Liz: Oh, thanks Kenneth
Kenneth: What are all these plastic containers for? Are you pickling squirrel meat? Cause I can lend you my skull presser.

*Tracy: [upon seeing Liz in a wedding dress] Oh, no! Did a Korean person die

*Jenna: Steven played the race card. What did you do?
Liz: What could I do? I picked up the check and made out with him a little bit in the taxi

*Liz: Okay, everyone, welcome back. Some of you may be wondering what happened between me and my boyfriend Floyd this summer. The answer is we did break up, but I am doing fine.
Frank: Is Floyd the Black guy

*Tracy: If you get rich off this stuff just take care of my family. I don't want my kids to have to go to college

*Tracy: You know how pissed off I was when US Weekly said that I was on crack? That's racist! I'm not on crack. I'm straight-up mentally ill!

*Liz: I'm not like these girls, Tracy. I don't have sex for money!
Stripper: Neither do we!
Tracy: Neither do they!
Tracy: [mouthing silently] Yes they do!

*Jenna: You're back with Dennis?
Liz: I'm back with Dennis.
[Jenna gives Liz dirty look]
Liz: Don't look at me with your eyebrows all up, it's so annoying.
Jenna: Oh, yes, I'm annoying. Not the man who honked your boobs on the Jumbo Screen.
Liz: That was before, and it was the playoffs.
*Jenna: Hey, I've gotta miss an hour of rehearsal today 'cause I just found out from my publicist, I've been booked on The View.
Pete: Oh, Jenna, that's great. For the first time in your life, you'll be in a room full of women and you'll be the least crazy one.
Jenna: Ah, I know.

*Liz: ... Any dumb-dumb can act, Jack, so be a man and get it done.
Jack: If you were any other woman on Earth, I would be turned on right now.

*Jenna: Yeah, but this is different because I know Jack Donaghy. I know what he likes.
Liz: Yeah. So now you just have to make yourself 10 years younger and Asian.

*Tracy: [regarding his ankle bracelet alcohol monitor] Maybe I'll just compromise - go to the party, cut off my foot and drink all I want!

*Tracy: I do not want to disappoint our Japanese public, especially Godzilla. Hahaha! I'm just kidding, I know he doesn't care what humans do.

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