Sunday, December 20, 2009
Meeting a good guy is really hard to do - especially when you're in your 30's - and especially when you're me. I don't make wise choices when it comes to men; case in point the man I was married to for a number of years.
I was tired of dating. I decided to stop being set up by friends after I went on a bad date and asked the friend who set us up what she was thinking, her response "I thought you'd have a lot in common sense you're both divorced".
I soon tired of the singles activities once I figured out that most of them were the Mormon equivalent of going to the bar looking for a one night stand. If I wanted one of those I'd probably be at a bar.
I even had tired the online dating thing but stopped when I went on a really good date that had a lot of potential just to find out he really wasn't in his late 30's but in his early 50's. He really didn't have 2 kids - he had 8 - and 3 grandchildren.
I had decided that maybe marriage just wasn't in my future, and after a good cry I had come to terms with it. It was actually liberating realizing that I could do it on my own.
The kids were going to spend the month of July this past summer with their dad, and I thought it would be fun to go out a few times on some dates. I was looking for nothing serious, just a free dinner and nice conversation. Sorry, but it's true.
I wasn't sure how I was going to go about it because I didn't really want to put forth much effort, and some of the other dating websites I had tried in my opinion were full of people that seemed content sitting behind their computer and doing nothing but flirting - very badly - over email.
After a little research I decided to try eHarmony. I liked that it was a little more expensive than other dating websites, because I figured that if others were willing to spend a little more money they were serious about actually dating. I was only going to do it for the month the kids were gone, and if nothing came of it that was ok.
I met a lot of guys over the month some were pretty nice, some were total idiots. The best thing about this new dating attitude was that I wasn't afraid to tell the idiots that I wasn't interested - something I wish I would have done a lot more in my 20's.
Towards the end of the month, July 24th to be exact, I talked to Jake for the first time. He seemed really nice, so we made plans to go to dinner the Wednesday of the next week. We talked on the phone for a couple of hours on July 27th and he was really funny. I liked that he was easy to talk to and I loved that he was witty and could come right back with jokes and clever things to say.
Our first date was July 29th...I liked him and that scared me. For the first 3 months I fought it. Was he genuinely this nice of a guy? I kept waiting for him to turn into a big fat jerk, but it never happened. He really is a good guy - and I thank Heavenly Father several times a day, every day for bringing him into my life.
He is really great with my kids, and that makes me love him even more. I was concerned about how that would work if I ever met someone. 4 kids is a lot to take in, he was a little scared at first - but once the 5 of them met it just all seemed to click. He is exactly what I need and what they need.
He and Heidi get along great and I think they will be good for each other. She is at the age where she really needs a positive male role model in her life and he wants to be that. He is her friend, but he also backs me up on things - and she respects him. She just recently told him that she loves him and that he is "awesome" - and at 13 that is not something she says too often. Ally and Michaela love to sit on the couch with us and cuddle, and they are always asking me when Jake is coming over. Even Jack has come around. He felt very threatened at first and was afraid I wasn't going to love him anymore. He was the boss of kissing and wouldn't let us kiss without his permission... but all is well and Jack has lifted the no kissing ban.
It's now been 5 months and things are going really well. The kids love him, he loves them, I love him and he loves me. Thank you eHarmony.