I will be 35 in August. 35 is a hard one for me to swallow. I notice the gray hair coming in, I notice the crow's feet around my eyes, the boobs aren't what they were in my early 20's (breastfeeding 4 very hungry children hasn't helped much either), my body is shot to hell, and I'm divorced living with my parents. Not exactly where I thought I would be at 35.
Age never bothered me until now.
I've learned a lot in my 30's. I have a great job that I truly appreciate. I didn't always have a great job. Before working at my current job, I worked for a company that was awful. The owners were/are hateful and abusive people. It was a small company owned by a husband and wife, the husband wasn't as bad as the wife – but it was awful. Phones were thrown against walls when they would get mad, you would get calls at all hours of the day and night. They would have marital arguments in front of everyone, and would yell at anyone who got in their way. No paid leave, no holiday pay, no health insurance. Never a thank you, never appreciation – DRAMA. DRAMA. DRAMA. It ended badly, very badly. It was owned by someone I had been friends with sine I was 15. Needless to say neither of us have any desire to rekindle any kind of relationship with each other.
Our friendship was always a dysfunctional one. I was the one who would follow everything she did, hang of everything she said, because for some stupid reason I really thought she was better than me. I'm grateful for that experience because it showed me that it's ok to walk away from things that are toxic in your life. It's ok to say enough, and that I'm worth more than this. You teach people how to treat you, and I've learned to respect myself and to have boundaries. And ultimately it is ok to stick up for yourself. I'm sad that it ended the way it did. However;I'm not sad it ended.
My current job has been the best thing for me, and believe it was divine intervention. I was at a place in my life that I needed kindness and friendship more than I ever had before. I'm making $5.00 more an hour than I did working for the other company, I have 120 hours of paid leave a year, the heath insurance is great, and I get paid for all major holidays. For the first time in my life I'm drama free.
Sometimes it is so easy to look at all of the negative things in life and dwell, scratch, nag and sometimes cry - on those. I tend to rip myself apart over things that really are beyond my control. The grey hair is because I'm getting older and that's what happens. The body… it is what it is… but this body has allowed me to make four healthy kids. Pregnancy was very kind to me with no complications. Birth was easy, my babies were fairly easy – and I have my body to thank for the four most wonderful things in my life. I married the wrong person, hence the divorce. Lesson Learned. And I'm living with my parents so I can be financially secure by the end of the year.
Not too shabby for 35 years old.