I was talking to this guy at work today that I've had a secret crush on for about a year. And the only thing I could think of the entire 45 minutes we were talking was how bad I need to wax my eyebrows and mustache… do I look really fat sitting here on this bench…I wish I wouldn’t have taken my normal shoes off and put this pair on because they don’t match with this skirt (my boots were hurting my feet)…
Do men really notice these things? We are just friends, and I’m sure he wasn’t looking at me as a woman anyway. We were talking about divorce (he is as well and has 2 daughters), dating, kids, how to balance it all. No flirting - and I was still worried about it. (Not that I would recognize it if someone was flirting with me, I’m oblivious to that kind of stuff ).
The thing that really bugs me about this, is that I actually like who I am. I can carry an intelligent conversation, I’m funny, independent, a good mom, a good friend, and I love and appreciate my family. I may not be happy with my outer appearance but the inside is where the greatness lies. I’m a big girl…I like food… but I also like who I am. I wish I was thin, but I don’t wish I was dead – something that I couldn’t say 3 years ago. I like myself for the first time in 33 years. It was a long road, but I’m finally here.
I sometimes wonder if this is why I have no desire to date. I’m happy to sit at home with my 4 wonderfully sweet kids and watch movies. I’m content. I like where my life is headed. BUT; if I happen to stumble into a man who likes his ladies on the plump side, and is going to want to be a part of my family for eternity, then I will marry him in an instant… Until then it’s just me and you kids.
3 comments:
That is great that you are happy! There is nothing better than that and I am sure when it is the right time you will find Mr. Right! You are a great person and someone would be lucky to have you on their arm.
Laurie,
I'm hoping i'm not going to totally freak you out by chiming in and telling you i've been lurking on your blog for a few months now, I think I found it through Cynthia's blog or it may have been my sil (formerly Shannon Wanless now Fox) but it's KyLeyne we kinda hung out at Lunch and such in high school I just think your blog is great and I can totally "hear your voice" in it I know I have no clue of all the details of your life post high school, but I've been inspired by your up beat musings and your faith and dedication to your kiddo's.. I can't imagine what a ball of mess i'd be in your shoes, I'm trying hard to like the "outer me" as well but like you I really like the inner me and the rest is gravy until I go back to chino again and NO ONE recognized me post 4 baby body EEEK! (yea it happened and it wasn't pretty!)
I think i'll get on the band wagon that any guy would be totally lucky to have you and when it's right hopefully it will all make since (don't we all have questions for our Heavenly Father, the why's, when's etc. etc.)
Keep writing and hopefully your not totally annoyed or freaked out by this totally stocker-ish post!
KyLeyne Fox (formerly Lane.. Yes I married Ben)..
www.thefoxkids.blogspot.com
Laurie, you make me laugh.
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